I was humiliated and commented disgracefully during my streams by someone I once called a friend and I decided to open up about it after other people started noticing too, which, thank you so much for that. It helped me open up about it to everyone else now too 💜 I helped her a lot with her own stream and she has -I believe- quite a few people here that are a part of her streams and she led people to believe she has the best intentions. I was scared to talk about this to you and to anyone for a while now, also cause I was confused I may be seeing things that aren’t there.
Each time I opened Patreon, Instagram or Twitch, I was scared for more comments about what I could do better, what I did wrong or something else she could put me down for. I did trust her a lot, up until the point she was a moderator in my streams.
Earlier this week this person also left our Patreon community and I asked her I noticed something was up, which she kind of ignored. She brushed me off saying she didn’t have money and I believed her, felt sorry for her and felt super stupid for asking.
Later she went on with the nasty commenting and I also noticed her Patreon exit survey that said “she didn’t like my work anymore” so I reached out again. She said she was following me for happy content, not watch my educational posts. She mentioned she didn’t like the vulva comparisons (which is something I just don’t want to do -compare. So I hope she just missed the message and it’s not really about the art).
Yesterday I went on another person’s Patreon who I support, and I saw my “friend” there who commented the day before. I couldn’t fail to believe that her nasty comments were made on purpose at this point and I started to see I was actually being bullied and kept silent and controlled. I was so heartbroken and felt so stupid. I already have trust issues so opening up towards someone takes me a bit of hard work.
I opened up about it now because some people noticed she was rude during my streams, and someone even called her out on it. For me, going to my streams and opening social media lately feels like going to school when being bullied. Especially since I couldn’t tell anyone as everyone believes she’s a kind person and I was being controlled by this power she had and still has. She started doing this after I did my part on helping her, which I feel even more stupid about cause I always do it out of a place of love and the feeling of being used is something that leaves me with a sour taste and even disgusted in a manner.
I hope you guys don’t mind me sharing this. I don’t want to start something, I want to end it. Bullying, at all ages, is something no one should tolerate. And even though I still feel scared to bits, I hope you understand and I hope we can build everything further from a loving place
I love you 💜