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Did surgery awaken more of my childhood trauma?

childhood trauma

My heart is pounding in my chest, I start to sweat. I know what’s happening but I still can’t help freaking out. In that moment I want to escape to somewhere no one will ever find me. I very well know what this means. This is the mental state I never wanted to find myself in again. It’s happening.. all over again.

You know how catching a cold can lead to an infection and get worse if you don’t treat it well? That works the same for our mental health. I remember feeling extremely bad mentally after surgery, hoping to get better again. I just pulled through and acted my positive self. Some new memories of my childhood traumas came up and in many moments, I feel a constant need to just sit in my own bubble, not talk to anyone, I have the feeling that I can’t set boundaries. Also, boundaries need to be respected in order for them to be effective.

At the moment of the panic attack I was sitting on my safe couch, my mind racing at events I seemed not to have thought about for a long time, but all of a sudden started to flash back before my eyes. I thought I was going batshit crazy, knowing there’s no way for me to escape at all. I needed to get away, to be able to breathe, I needed help.

At that exact moment I received an email. My mother-in-law had sent me books for me to read. And at that moment it was good. Apparently a little (virtual) care package was all I needed at that moment. And I’m thankful for those little moments that drag me out of the deep waters called anxiety.

xoxo

Prudence

If you want to get early access to my work, as my Patron, you’ll get early access to everything I create via www.patreon.com/planetprudence or shop at www.planetprudence.com

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