Hey my Loves 💜,
Happy Valentine’s Day! 😍💜 how are you celebrating it today?
(The following paragraph contains talk about eating disorders)
I want to thank you for your sweet comments throughout the weekend. I don’t know if all of you have watched it, but after recovering from and eating disorder I fought with in my teens and early twenties, then just found comfort in food slowly with learning what love is supposed to feel like first here by all of you and later in my relationship. In the meantime I learned how to love myself as well.
For the first time since I felt recovered, I received a nasty comment on Friday by someone we thought we knew and liked, while talking about sports he said that he sure hoped I wasn’t doing any yet, because it is not showing. I was swallowing my tears until I got home, but I wasn’t able to keep it together once I got home. I didn’t sleep all night and cried in my office room, printed prints for the care packages and going back to the one thing I know holds the roots of my self-love. Our little Planet 💜
My boyfriend was so wonderful to stand up for me against that man and my brother came by to comfort me yesterday evening, but I wasn’t able to pick up a pencil until just now. Today I went to pick up the breakfast I ordered on Friday morning before everything for the boyfriend and I but it’s the first time I didn’t bring pastries I saw on display I really wanted as dessert. All I could hear was “you’re unworthy of them, Prudence”, as if the voice in my head that finally went away a few years back all of a sudden has awakened.
I don’t know if you like these little reminder drawing (I know it’s so different from my usual content), but since I wasn’t able to do anything all weekend -for which I feel incredibly guilty, as if my strength has been taken away from me- I was able to draw this today. I drew it first of all to tell myself it’s okay to take some rest, even if unvoluntarily, but then I also felt like I should share it maybe..
I’m sorry for this very detailed story. But before I get on a path that is downhill, please do help me if I get bad again health-wise. In any way 💜 it’s okay, you’re my family. I already have relapsed in the past, and I know I’m older now, more aware of the signs, and I’ve encountered some triggers in regards of it, but I’ve never felt it this bad.
I love you guys so much 💜💜💜💜 thank you for being my family 💜
Ps: in case I make more of these, would you like to see them or do you prefer seeing my usual content? 💜
Pps: we’re celebrating Valentine’s with a dinner tonight my boyfriend will prepare and we’re playing a boardgame after 🥰