Hey my Loves 💜,
How are you doing today? I hope you’re having a lovely day!
Can you believe that I colored ALL of these this morning? I woke up at 6.30AM because mosquitos had me for breakfast or rather midnight snack, and my entire body was on fire and itching like crazy so I was like “EFF this, I’m getting out of bed and out of this bedroom” so I started coloring. And I didn’t stop until I was done. And then I digitalized them as well. Partially before my stream, and then a bit during the evening. I also managed to do the coloring pages and the exclusive comic. I don’t even know *HOW* I did all that but it took me a good 15 hours going on 16 now. I’m tired but I had a super anxious day and just wanted to let my mind drift off.
I am often scared for what will come, although I know I shouldn’t be doing that, as it makes it all so much wore. As I’m getting more anxious, the nightmares are coming back again -it’s been a while- and I’m more and more restless, I am looking back into affirmations, the law of attraction and meditation. I don’t know if you guys know this of me, but I really am a firm believer of the law of attraction and the power of the universe. And sometimes I go into my room and spend some time talking/praying kind of. And I caught myself doing that over the last few days a lot more. I don’t know what I ask for really or even if I can put it into words properly. I guess just to be happy, to be healthy and kind. I mostly was kind of asking to let me make the best decisions for Planet Prudence and you guys, my Patrons 💜
I talked about this on stream earlier, but I have a close connection with you guys, you mean the world to me. And some people have become very close friends. Now over the course of the last few weeks, I bumped into some toxicity and someone broke my trust tremendously. I am in so many regrets and guilt, feeling like I went through all the abuse all over again even as he treated me the exact same way I was treated in other toxic relationships I’ve encountered. This wasn’t anything close to a romantic relationship (gosh my bf is amazing -I wouldn’t want you to think it was him!), but it was an online friendship and someone who have built some kind of belief that he was trustworthy. I am very veeery careful with who I trust, so this was a real stab in the back and I truly feel dirty and used. This has made a huge mark on me again.
This is a reason why I rarely go outside. I get triggered so much by small things, but also when making friends. I rarely make any friends and when I do, I’m always scared to get hurt. Because I know that when I do trust someone, and I am trusting these people with parts of my life, that I’m always, always scared to get hurt. Apart from that, there are smells, noises, the way someone says something in a certain way, that can literally get me out of balance up until ruining my day if it is a large trigger.
I thought I was maybe seeing it unclear with this person as well, so this went on for quite some time. He checked off all the red flags though. But I talked about it to my bf and some friends I still trust, and they all confirmed that this wasn’t healthy at all. I just never knew subconsciously I would drag this along with me again. That honestly just sucks.
In my feelings, I feel as if everyone is about to leave me. That’s crazy, right? Do you ever have this and feel like this? I keep my mind occupied and want to just hide away, which I basically do in my work. But I’m happy I’m here. I do feel quite safe here.
Thank you guys for being here! 💜 also please don’t forget to assign yourself a tier that will be open in September! So the $2 and $10 tier will be gone from September onward 💜
I love you guys! 💜💜💜 SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND 💜💜💜
1. are you liking these personal posts?
2. what is your favorite comic of all 8?